I hear voices through the rain 

It’s not the wind roaring

They sound like cries of help

From another domain 

And I don’t know if I’m

Going insane

Or simply listening

With every cell in my being

I see trails the raindrops 

Have left 

On my window pane

Like teardrops flowing

On a pretty face

Shed in vain 

And I wonder

Has a cloud been carrying

Sadness from miles away 

Over skies of grey

Releasing the anger

In a violent hurricane

I wonder

Why do I see all this beauty

But still remember pain?



Hole in my Soul

There’s a hole in my soul

One heartbreak wide, three decades deep

An empty dark room 

with mirrors on walls

Where I look around and see

Grotesque reflections of me

There’s a hole in my soul

A cave where Fear goes to hide

Dragging its tentacles inside 

Waiting for a trigger

to rear its ugly head

There’s a hole in my soul

A void that can’t be filled 

With words or confessions 

Or promises one would 

Surely fail to keep

Too big for a single person

Too small for a Universe of dreams

There’s a hole in my soul

But never have I ever

In all its hollowness 

Felt incomplete


Zeina El-Hoss

Love (v.)

Powerful thoughts by my friend, Riham.

Light Rain .13

It is believed that February the 14th is a day to celebrate Love.
From childhood to adulthood, the idea of love transforms from giggles and red cheeks for the 1m tall cute kid; to the teen with hair gel or dope basketball skills; to the youth who seems charismatic; to the human whose soul resonates with yours.
Haddaway has questioned in his song “what is love” to answer with “baby don’t hurt me, no more”, while Sinatra has wished for it to just “please be true.” We accept the love we think we deserve whether it is one that just doesn’t hurt us or one that is not a lie. But love is futile if defined in its negative form, hindering its potential by emphasizing all that we don’t (or no more) want it to be.
If we are faithful of love, we can allow it to grow from being…

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My son

One day, a child changed my life

I’m glad to call him my son

He’s the soul within my soul

A blossoming garden under my sun

He’s a spark of genuis

And complexity, all in one

I have learned more from this 

Little boy than anyone

And I’ll do more for this 

Special boy than I could have ever done

For he’s the rain to my everlasting drought

He’s given me much more to think about

than could be given to a loving mom

His Mercy

His Mercy encompasses everything

His Mercy embraces those who sin

His Mercy engulfs the world with blessings

To count those where would you begin?

His Mercy is the prickly tears in your eyes

When someone’s pain shakes your humanity

His Mercy is the tenderness in your heart

And the love you grant unconditionally

If His Mercy is ever withdrawn

What would life be? 

Would we want to know? 


Night falls, I lay my head to sleep

Then the sedating silence is broken 

As thoughts begin to creep

Guilt calls, saying “It’s been a while

That we haven’t gone over failures,

Or the memories you had as a child”

Sleep’s gone, and so has the peace

If only our thought patterns had a switch

I’d turn off the anxieties

I’d rest my head on that pillow

And dive into a sea of tranquility

And while this body is weary

I can’t meet its simple needs

Because the heart is roaming freely

And the mind’s agenda impedes

Sleep is a necessity

Only when there’s nothing to miss 

When there’s no inspiration to guide you

Through a world of writing bliss

Sometimes I envy the oblivious

Who are not shaken or stirred

Their hearts are void of anguish

Their heads are void of words

That they must unload like baggage

Too heavy to carry around

If only I were just as unaware

If only the world just passed me by

Without a trace, without a sound

Cry, little girl

Hello, little girl

It’s been a while since we’ve talked

It’s been a while since we’ve walked

Down that old road

I guess we’d both forgotten

What it’s like to have fun

All those dreams never got old

How did we lose touch?

I wish I could have been there

To tell you you were loved so much

To let you know that someone cared

Burdens you carried for long

Tears you never showed

You held them back but now

It’s time to let it go

Cry, cry, little girl

You’re only a child

One day you’ll grow

And those memories will subside

You’ve been your own hero

Written your own fate

But cry, cry, little girl

Growing up can wait


Life is a lot like walking on a tightrope
Spread your arms apart 

As if you’re going to fly

Never look back or down

Keep your eyes on the sky

Watch your step, tread with hope

Your heart races at the thrill

Wind in your face, breathe the chill

They said you’d fall 

But look at you, you never will

Determination is your wing

Love is the song you yearn to sing

Keep your head high

Though their words could sting

Your dream is waiting on the other side

Gather your strength, it’s a few more steps

Pull yourself together, you don’t need help

Just brush your fears aside

Look up to the sky, don’t slip

Don’t stand on your toe tips 

You got to put your foot down 

Someday you’ll see who’s worth the ride

Almost there, that’s the end of the rope

Tell me, did you see what you hoped to find? 

How to write a suicide letter

Have you got your pen and paper ready? Your take-your-own-life device? Wait, you haven’t planned how you were going to do it yet? Ok, never mind. Let’s just write the letter. 

Dear —- (that’s gonna be the first loved one to find out you why you did such an major act, so they’ve got to be special)

Explain your terrible state prior to the act. Use words such as tired, fed up, exhausted, worn out, beat up. Don’t be afraid to use exaggerations and hyperboles, afterall you need to make it seem logical. They won’t believe you had been in such a terrible state all along or that you’d actually do it but you have to convince them. 

Now start reminding that person of all the amazing things they had done for you and how utterly ungrateful you are for turning your back on them. Tell them you have reached a point where your reasoning has failed you; where you were so depressed and lonely that nothing and no one even mattered. Not your parents, nor your siblings nor your spouse and children, if any. All you could think of was a way out. Even if that way defied your own destiny. You couldn’t fight anymore. You didn’t want to hold on to any more hopes. Nothing and no one gave you hope. You had eyes that could see but you didn’t want to look out for the light. You had hands that could hold but you didn’t want to reach out for help. You wanted to stay where you are. You chose desperation. Yes, you chose it. Desperation didn’t choose you. You decided to curl into fetal position and cry. You shut the world out. You turned your back on life. All you could see where the thorns on the rose, the greyish skies where rainbows hide.   You may tell them you’re a failure,  not for the many times you failed, but actually for failing to find the will to try within you. 

And just before you think I’m judging you for your suicidal thoughts, I just want you to know that I, too, have had them. We all have them. Yes, we’ve all been so low that we could no longer bear life’s afflictions. Everybody is prone to depression, anxiety, mental illness. You’re not a weirdo and you’re certainly not alone in this. The only difference between someone who acts upon these thoughts and someone who refrains from cutting their own rope is how hopeful they remain. The despaired aren’t weak. You aren’t weak for seeking help. You aren’t weak if you cry. You aren’t weak if you’re burnt out, broke, jobless, divorced, betrayed. You are stronger and more free when you understand the wisdom behind your affliction. 

I don’t know what would make you want to read a “how to write a suicide letter”. I don’t know why I’m putting myself in this position where I might be misunderstood. But I’m writing this for somebody, anybody who needs to read this, to know they’re so loved and cherished. You need to know you are an indispensible person in someone’s life. You mean the world to somebody and it’s not up to you to decide to leave them. No. Your time has not come and don’t ever think that by taking the nearest exit you’ll rid yourself of heartache. Don’t ever think that by writing a suicide letter you’d justify yourself to your loved ones. 

Don’t think that by escaping your brokeness you wouldn’t break someone else’s life. 
*To someone I love, someone I don’t even know, hang in there

Soil and Soul

He made me from soil

He shaped me with His Hands

So I’d remain humble

So I may remember how much He loves me

So I may never lose sight of who I am

Though a sinner at times, I’m mostly human

He gave me a soul

My soul is but a Breath of His soul

So I’d remain elevated

So I may remember how much I love Him

So I may never lose sight of home

Though I know to Whom I belong, I’m mostly human




Image credit: Ireland-based Polish painter Tomasz Alen Kopera