Insomniac

Night falls, I lay my head to sleep

Then the sedating silence is broken 

As thoughts begin to creep

Guilt calls, saying “It’s been a while

That we haven’t gone over failures,

Or the memories you had as a child”

Sleep’s gone, and so has the peace

If only our thought patterns had a switch

I’d turn off the anxieties

I’d rest my head on that pillow

And dive into a sea of tranquility

And while this body is weary

I can’t meet its simple needs

Because the heart is roaming freely

And the mind’s agenda impedes

Sleep is a necessity

Only when there’s nothing to miss 

When there’s no inspiration to guide you

Through a world of writing bliss

Sometimes I envy the oblivious

Who are not shaken or stirred

Their hearts are void of anguish

Their heads are void of words

That they must unload like baggage

Too heavy to carry around

If only I were just as unaware

If only the world just passed me by

Without a trace, without a sound

Anxiety: Poem & Facts

They say anxious people
Have a head full of dreams
But let me tell you
Anxiety is not all what it seems
It’s not butterflies in your stomach
Or a rush of blood to your head
It’s a thousand pounding drums in your chest
The stuttering, muttering, mumbling
Of words your lips can’t expel
The beads of sweat breaking out on your brow
Then trickling down your cheek
Anxiety is desperately trying
To look strong when you’re undeniably weak
“I’m calm, I’m in control”
“I can do this” … No, no, no
“I’m not worthy at all”
And in between all your “what ifs”
You realize anxiety is just a thief
Stealing your joys, grinning slyly
As it jumps off your window
Breathe, breathe…
Every day you have a choice
Walk out of the house
Leaving your agitation by the door
Or collapse, curl up in a corner
And watch your teardrops splatter on the floor
Anxiety is not a flustered irritable being
It’s a person who may be worth knowing
A naked soul you wouldn’t blush when seeing
A heart wide open peeking through a trembling body
You can’t see all the quivering and shaking
You see, anxiety is often invisible
With all the colossal efforts a person is making
To stand tall, and say the right things
Which they often don’t, by the way
So if they choose to remain silent
Just know it’s for your own sake
It takes courage to love them
And more courage to keep this love awake
It’s hard work, confusing, perplexing,
But loving an anxious person may just be
the best mistake you’ll ever make
~ Zeina
 
******************
 
Anxiety disorders are the most common mental illness, they include: panic attacks, certain phobias, obsessive-complusive disorder (OCD), post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), generalized anxiety disorder (GAD), social anxiety disorders, amongst others.
 
Anxiety disorders are highly treatable, yet only about one-third of those suffering receive treatment.They develop from a complex set of risk factors, including genetics, brain chemistry, personality, and life events.
 
Many people with an anxiety disorder also have a co-occurring disorder or physical illness, which can make their symptoms worse and recovery more difficult. It’s essential to be treated for both disorders.
 
Source: Anxiety and Depression Association of America
 
#endthestigma
 

Cry, little girl

Hello, little girl

It’s been a while since we’ve talked

It’s been a while since we’ve walked

Down that old road

I guess we’d both forgotten

What it’s like to have fun

All those dreams never got old

How did we lose touch?

I wish I could have been there

To tell you you were loved so much

To let you know that someone cared

Burdens you carried for long

Tears you never showed

You held them back but now

It’s time to let it go

Cry, cry, little girl

You’re only a child

One day you’ll grow

And those memories will subside

You’ve been your own hero

Written your own fate

But cry, cry, little girl

Growing up can wait

Tightrope

Life is a lot like walking on a tightrope
Spread your arms apart 

As if you’re going to fly

Never look back or down

Keep your eyes on the sky

Watch your step, tread with hope

Your heart races at the thrill

Wind in your face, breathe the chill

They said you’d fall 

But look at you, you never will

Determination is your wing

Love is the song you yearn to sing

Keep your head high

Though their words could sting

Your dream is waiting on the other side

Gather your strength, it’s a few more steps

Pull yourself together, you don’t need help

Just brush your fears aside

Look up to the sky, don’t slip

Don’t stand on your toe tips 

You got to put your foot down 

Someday you’ll see who’s worth the ride

Almost there, that’s the end of the rope

Tell me, did you see what you hoped to find? 

An empowered hijabi

You’d think that I’m oppressed

From the way that I’m dressed

But I’ve never been more free

And no, I’m not indoctrinated

Just like the media propagated

All those twisted images of me

Like why I’d need a piece of cloth to protect me

Or how I’m victimized by a patriarchal ideology

In a time when first world women still fight to be liberated

In societies charged with bigotry, sure I’d be slated

But I’m an empowered hijabi

It makes no difference to me

Whether I’m loved or hated

Head high, I walk through life

single, married, mother, daughter, sister, wife

if there’s one thing I’ve done right

It’s that I’ll always take pride

In my identity

The tides are high, but I hold on tight

In this darkness I still find the light

that will save humanity

I believe so firmly that words can’t shake me

You can try to drag me down, but you can’t make me

There’s more to emancepation

than wearing whatever you please

 But if that’s what it’s about

Tell me, why can’t I have this opportunity?

It’s as if my scarve is threatening national security

While fearmongering misogynists are out there spreading peace!

Can someone please explain this shameless hypocrisy?

Why it’s ok for a woman to wear less but not more?

It’s about time we let women’s dress code be

And focus on her strengths, intelligence, and capabilities

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

How to write a suicide letter

Have you got your pen and paper ready? Your take-your-own-life device? Wait, you haven’t planned how you were going to do it yet? Ok, never mind. Let’s just write the letter. 

Dear —- (that’s gonna be the first loved one to find out you why you did such an major act, so they’ve got to be special)

Explain your terrible state prior to the act. Use words such as tired, fed up, exhausted, worn out, beat up. Don’t be afraid to use exaggerations and hyperboles, afterall you need to make it seem logical. They won’t believe you had been in such a terrible state all along or that you’d actually do it but you have to convince them. 

Now start reminding that person of all the amazing things they had done for you and how utterly ungrateful you are for turning your back on them. Tell them you have reached a point where your reasoning has failed you; where you were so depressed and lonely that nothing and no one even mattered. Not your parents, nor your siblings nor your spouse and children, if any. All you could think of was a way out. Even if that way defied your own destiny. You couldn’t fight anymore. You didn’t want to hold on to any more hopes. Nothing and no one gave you hope. You had eyes that could see but you didn’t want to look out for the light. You had hands that could hold but you didn’t want to reach out for help. You wanted to stay where you are. You chose desperation. Yes, you chose it. Desperation didn’t choose you. You decided to curl into fetal position and cry. You shut the world out. You turned your back on life. All you could see where the thorns on the rose, the greyish skies where rainbows hide.   You may tell them you’re a failure,  not for the many times you failed, but actually for failing to find the will to try within you. 

And just before you think I’m judging you for your suicidal thoughts, I just want you to know that I, too, have had them. We all have them. Yes, we’ve all been so low that we could no longer bear life’s afflictions. Everybody is prone to depression, anxiety, mental illness. You’re not a weirdo and you’re certainly not alone in this. The only difference between someone who acts upon these thoughts and someone who refrains from cutting their own rope is how hopeful they remain. The despaired aren’t weak. You aren’t weak for seeking help. You aren’t weak if you cry. You aren’t weak if you’re burnt out, broke, jobless, divorced, betrayed. You are stronger and more free when you understand the wisdom behind your affliction. 

I don’t know what would make you want to read a “how to write a suicide letter”. I don’t know why I’m putting myself in this position where I might be misunderstood. But I’m writing this for somebody, anybody who needs to read this, to know they’re so loved and cherished. You need to know you are an indispensible person in someone’s life. You mean the world to somebody and it’s not up to you to decide to leave them. No. Your time has not come and don’t ever think that by taking the nearest exit you’ll rid yourself of heartache. Don’t ever think that by writing a suicide letter you’d justify yourself to your loved ones. 

Don’t think that by escaping your brokeness you wouldn’t break someone else’s life. 
*To someone I love, someone I don’t even know, hang in there

I am more

That day you provoked my demons

You didn’t know

I was more to what you were seeing

When you shot your arrow

You were aiming at my heart

But you missed it by far

You may have broken my wing

But you failed to see my claws

And just because I don’t roar 

Doesn’t mean I have no voice

And just because I don’t pounce

Doesn’t mean I had no choice

That day you called on your angels

Believing you were a saint

Was the day I decided I’ll never be afraid

I’ll never tremble under the pressure

To be what you want me to be

I’ll only seek my own pleasure

And fight for my own beliefs

My happiness waits for no one

Especially you 

Your doubts won’t shake me

I will pull through

I believe in the power of my dreams

And all the things only I can see

Someday, believe it or not, 

They’ll become a reality

Soil and Soul

He made me from soil

He shaped me with His Hands

So I’d remain humble

So I may remember how much He loves me

So I may never lose sight of who I am

Though a sinner at times, I’m mostly human

He gave me a soul

My soul is but a Breath of His soul

So I’d remain elevated

So I may remember how much I love Him

So I may never lose sight of home

Though I know to Whom I belong, I’m mostly human

 

 

 

Image credit: Ireland-based Polish painter Tomasz Alen Kopera

http://www.mymodernmet.com/profiles/blogs/tomasz-alen-kopera-surreal-paintings

What Depression Feels Like

No one goes through this alone…..

Translationista

A heaviness in your chest

A bloodless rupture in your heart

A lump in your throat

It’s like someone’s tearing your soul apart

A weariness in your body

And a loss of precious sleep

A gushing in your eyes

When there’s no reason to weep

A nostalgic look at the past

An unexplained fear of what’s to be

A detachment from the present

In which you live with melancholy

Anger, worry, sadness, isolation

Alientation, withdrawal, anxiety

You shut the world off in fear

Of being found out suffering

Even the things you loved the most

Your hobbies and pastimes

No longer give you smiles

To cope with the hard times

No drug can lift this cloud off

And bring sunshine to your life

And though your beliefs and faith

Come between you and the knife

You wish things had some meaning

And your purpose would come to aid

But your…

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