How to write a suicide letter

Have you got your pen and paper ready? Your take-your-own-life device? Wait, you haven’t planned how you were going to do it yet? Ok, never mind. Let’s just write the letter. 

Dear —- (that’s gonna be the first loved one to find out you why you did such an major act, so they’ve got to be special)

Explain your terrible state prior to the act. Use words such as tired, fed up, exhausted, worn out, beat up. Don’t be afraid to use exaggerations and hyperboles, afterall you need to make it seem logical. They won’t believe you had been in such a terrible state all along or that you’d actually do it but you have to convince them. 

Now start reminding that person of all the amazing things they had done for you and how utterly ungrateful you are for turning your back on them. Tell them you have reached a point where your reasoning has failed you; where you were so depressed and lonely that nothing and no one even mattered. Not your parents, nor your siblings nor your spouse and children, if any. All you could think of was a way out. Even if that way defied your own destiny. You couldn’t fight anymore. You didn’t want to hold on to any more hopes. Nothing and no one gave you hope. You had eyes that could see but you didn’t want to look out for the light. You had hands that could hold but you didn’t want to reach out for help. You wanted to stay where you are. You chose desperation. Yes, you chose it. Desperation didn’t choose you. You decided to curl into fetal position and cry. You shut the world out. You turned your back on life. All you could see where the thorns on the rose, the greyish skies where rainbows hide.   You may tell them you’re a failure,  not for the many times you failed, but actually for failing to find the will to try within you. 

And just before you think I’m judging you for your suicidal thoughts, I just want you to know that I, too, have had them. We all have them. Yes, we’ve all been so low that we could no longer bear life’s afflictions. Everybody is prone to depression, anxiety, mental illness. You’re not a weirdo and you’re certainly not alone in this. The only difference between someone who acts upon these thoughts and someone who refrains from cutting their own rope is how hopeful they remain. The despaired aren’t weak. You aren’t weak for seeking help. You aren’t weak if you cry. You aren’t weak if you’re burnt out, broke, jobless, divorced, betrayed. You are stronger and more free when you understand the wisdom behind your affliction. 

I don’t know what would make you want to read a “how to write a suicide letter”. I don’t know why I’m putting myself in this position where I might be misunderstood. But I’m writing this for somebody, anybody who needs to read this, to know they’re so loved and cherished. You need to know you are an indispensible person in someone’s life. You mean the world to somebody and it’s not up to you to decide to leave them. No. Your time has not come and don’t ever think that by taking the nearest exit you’ll rid yourself of heartache. Don’t ever think that by writing a suicide letter you’d justify yourself to your loved ones. 

Don’t think that by escaping your brokeness you wouldn’t break someone else’s life. 
*To someone I love, someone I don’t even know, hang in there

New Year, New Wishes for you ⭐️

Hello everyone, 

So this is going to be the last post of the year. What a great one it was. My first year on this blog is coming to end and I’m really glad I’ve made some accomplishments this year, both personal and professional. I wish you all a wonderful 2016. 2015 may not have been that awesome for some of us, but trust that there will be brighter days ahead. Have faith and you will see them with your own eyes. I hope you enjoy my last poem with my heartfelt wishes for you. Keep bloggin’, WordPressers✌🏻️

Goodbye 2015!!! Thanks for everything ❤️

There will come a day 

When you’ll say

I wouldn’t want it any other way

All the pain would seem

Like a hazy dream

And you’ll open your eyes

To a great reality

There’s wisdom behind the tears

There’s strength inside your fears

Your afflictions are blessings in fact

But you’re too consumed to realize that

All the prayers have not gone to waste

And finally you’ll get to taste

The sweetness of the fruits you reap

You’ve worked so hard and lost sleep

Over all those big things that now look small

In fact, they weren’t even there at all!

So go out there and stand tall

And leave your marks on the wall

Live the life of happiness you owe yourself

And don’t worry about everyone else

Today is yours 

Tomorrow may not come

Go chase the moon

Outshine the sun

Just be yourself

While you’re having fun

~ Zeina

Healing by Helping Others

My day started off on the wrong foot. Again. It’s just not easy to do this day in and day out. Dealing with behavior and impulsiveness issues every single day is draining, to the point of insanity. I do question my sanity sometimes, by the way. But then again, if I were as crazy as I think I am, people wouldn’t come to me for advice, would they? Like this mother who was referred to me by our family counselor. She finally made the call this afternoon to ask for doctor recommendations for her pre-teen. I was more than happy to recount our many-failure story and how we found our “happy ending” with our team of specialists who are handling our son’s somehow challenging case. I noticed how confused and hesitant she was, that was me five years ago. That’s me every day. There’s not a day that passes by that I don’t ask myself: “Am I doing the right thing?” But I know I am, because as a mom, you just “feel” when something is not right.

Ever since we started being consistent with behavior modification, my son has been showing tremendous resistance. It’s been disappointing to watch him act out all the time, and quite embarrassing to receive negative feedback from school, but this time giving up is out of the question. I know that, despite all this frustration I’m feeling, I just want to be over and done with this phase. So no matter how hard it’s going to be, the little guy is going to have to take it like a champ. And we’ll have to hold back the tears and do what’s best for him.

This painful experience we’ve been involved in for several years of our son’s life is bound to end. Nothing lasts forever. I’m more than certain that he’s on the right track and is being seen by the right people. I just hope I’ll always be in the right mindset to accept when things go slightly off track, which they will, at one point or another. He’s only human, and he’s just a child after all. Autism or not, he’s only a child.

Talking to this concerned mother reminded me of a very true saying which goes along the lines of “we heal by helping others.” And it’s just amazing how my mood shifted from down and desolate to uplifted and reinvigorated. I was reminded of my own pain and how little by little it’s subsiding. I’m actually healing slowly whenever someone contacts me to learn all about our son’s journey all the way from early detection, diagnosis and behavior modification.  Our story has inspired, it has moved, it has healed, it has shown us the good friends in our lives. It’s the door from which all the love and support comes pouring in, and out. We’ve come a long way and we must celebrate those little progresses as much as we can. It’s always the bigger picture that keeps you going, not the tiny day-to-day failures and mishaps.

I feel healed already, and for that I’m very grateful.

Do you have a story that has inspired others to make some decisions in their lives? Would you like to share it? I know I’d love to hear it ❤️

Have a great day,

~ Zeina

Shipwrecked

When my life falls apart

I pick up the fallen pieces of me

Pieces I’d forgotten

In the deepest layers of my memory

As I recall I hear sounds once faded

Getting loud and clear, they roar

All the hustle just awakens me

To live the dreams I had before

Whatever happened that kept me

From seeking all my passions

Won’t stop me now

I’ll have it all somehow

In an extraordinary fashion

I get up and get going

It’s my boat, I will be rowing

Through a river of hopes flowing

Against the winds of change blowing

My faith will keep on growing

Then I pick up piece by piece

the ruins and debris

Of every shipwrecked dream

And build a sailboat anew

That’s what I always do, always do