Change is not instantaneous. It’s not a decision you take at the spur of the moment. You don’t wake up one day and decide that you’re going to quit a bad habit or adopt a healthier lifestyle now. You don’t suddenly stop liking somebody and think it’s time to cut them loose. The idea of “change” doesn’t drop like a missile from the sky, although at many instances God inspires us by revealing certain signs or omens along the way. However, moving from ideation to action requires a lot of thinking and determination; willpower. 

Change is a slow, steady process. And I’m not talking about ephemeral, often insubstantial changes, like going on fad diets, for example. I’m talking about changes that go beyond the skin and flesh, and reach into the depths of one’s soul. Those changes that emerge from inner conflicts, from fighting battles no one sees. From getting so sick and tired of watching re-runs of your life as it falls apart right before your eyes, picking up bits and pieces only to drop them once again. From wanting to feel good about yourself, if just for a moment, without guilt popping out of nowhere and ruining it for you. From craving meaning, a real meaning, to your passing existence on this Earth and witnessing nothing but absurdity, injustice, chaos, despair, and destruction. 

Change isn’t a word, a principle or journey. It’s proof that you’re a living being, who has a voice and a purpose. It doesn’t matter when or how you make a change. What matters is you don’t remain the same person despite everything you ever experienced, suffered, felt, endured, acquired, and learned. Change isn’t a comfortable process but it’s the most rewarding one. And I can’t imagine dramatic change to be anything but dramatic; there has to be lots of breakdowns and tears. A whole lot of effort, passion, and patience needs to be invested in the process.

Perhaps seeking change IS the meaning to one’s existence. Because those who are numbed with the comfort of status quo’s, however uncomfortable they may be, soon become enemies to change. It’s enough to look around us today, as we approach a decisive phase in our country’s history, to know who really want change and who are working day and night to resist it. 

So, what do YOU really want? Change or the illusion of it?


How I live every motherhood moment

I used to think that Motherhood is a means to an end: raising good, responsible, successful men and women you can be proud of. I used to think that if your children didn’t meet your expectations then this means your motherhood plans have all gone awry. You fail as a mother if your children don’t follow your footsteps. Life has repeatedly shown me how wrong I was to have such beliefs, how destructive it is to have too many expectations of our children or treat them as “products” rather than human beings with unique gifts and personalities. Once I stopped destroying my self-esteem and my children’s efforts to please me, I began to see motherhood from a healthier perspective. I began to notice the blessings, tolerate the differences, and reconcile with the fact that it’s absolutely normal and acceptable if my children don’t reach the heights I’d drawn for them. They will definitely reach the heights they draw for themselves if I, as a mother, am willing to support all their plans and dreams. I will need to liberate my children from my own wants and needs, so they may direct their energy in the right channel.

Motherhood is giving your child their own mirrors, letting them see themselves with their own eyes, and being the bright light that reflects their best image. I didn’t learn that overnight and certainly not the easy way but I’m sure if I didn’t have the children that I have I would would still be stuck in the vicious cycle of expectations that has been robbing me of my peace for years. 

I only began to live “in the moment” when I appreciated every tiny effort they made even if it didn’t end the way I had hoped. 

How do you live your best motherhood moments? 

Leave me a comment below. 


Hole in my Soul

There’s a hole in my soul

One heartbreak wide, three decades deep

An empty dark room 

with mirrors on walls

Where I look around and see

Grotesque reflections of me

There’s a hole in my soul

A cave where Fear goes to hide

Dragging its tentacles inside 

Waiting for a trigger

to rear its ugly head

There’s a hole in my soul

A void that can’t be filled 

With words or confessions 

Or promises one would 

Surely fail to keep

Too big for a single person

Too small for a Universe of dreams

There’s a hole in my soul

But never have I ever

In all its hollowness 

Felt incomplete


Zeina El-Hoss

Love (v.)

Powerful thoughts by my friend, Riham.

Light Rain .13

It is believed that February the 14th is a day to celebrate Love.
From childhood to adulthood, the idea of love transforms from giggles and red cheeks for the 1m tall cute kid; to the teen with hair gel or dope basketball skills; to the youth who seems charismatic; to the human whose soul resonates with yours.
Haddaway has questioned in his song “what is love” to answer with “baby don’t hurt me, no more”, while Sinatra has wished for it to just “please be true.” We accept the love we think we deserve whether it is one that just doesn’t hurt us or one that is not a lie. But love is futile if defined in its negative form, hindering its potential by emphasizing all that we don’t (or no more) want it to be.
If we are faithful of love, we can allow it to grow from being…

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A message for parents about bullying

If you’re a parent of a special child, I’m sure you feel blessed for this soul-transforming experience. You know how painful it must feel for your child to know “they’re different” in a world where everything must be labeled as either “typical” or “atypical”. I’m sure you already know what it feels like to be the caregiver of a child who is a potential target for bullies. You know how hurt they may feel and you wouldn’t wish for another child to feel that way, because you do care. You actually care about other people’s children, not just yours. 

As a parent of any child, special or not, I’m sure you know that your children will meet all sorts of classmates or friends throughout their academic journeys. They will meet kids who have distinctive facial or physical features; a prominent nose, crooked teeth, acne, darker skin tones, or unruly hair. They will meet kids who wear thick glasses or dental retainers; those are too short or too skinny, those who are too tall or more than just a little chubby. They are going meet classmates who may have facial deformities, sit in wheelchairs, or have mental or psychological disorders. They will meet friends who have all sorts of learning difficulties; those who take a little longer to grasp their lessons, who ask more questions than “they should” or who are too timid to participate in class. 

The biggest problem we’re facing today as modern parents is that, as we try to give our children more of the freedom we’ve been deprived of when we were children, we also struggle with boundaries. We’re unintentionally raising a generation of entitled children lacking compassion and understanding when we give them this impression that they are the center of the universe. We do them more harm than good by inflating their sense of self-worth and egos, by not celebrating their efforts to show kindness to others enough.

Teach your children that we are all different and we all deserve to be treated equally, fairly and nicely. Teach them that bullying is an inappropriate behavior, that it’s cruel to call other kids mean names. Teach them that body shaming is unacceptable. Teach them to treat others as they wish to be treated themselves. Very simply.

Teaching children the value of empathy and respect is protecting the well-being of all children, yours and mine, in any setting. 

My son

One day, a child changed my life

I’m glad to call him my son

He’s the soul within my soul

A blossoming garden under my sun

He’s a spark of genuis

And complexity, all in one

I have learned more from this 

Little boy than anyone

And I’ll do more for this 

Special boy than I could have ever done

For he’s the rain to my everlasting drought

He’s given me much more to think about

than could be given to a loving mom

His Mercy

His Mercy encompasses everything

His Mercy embraces those who sin

His Mercy engulfs the world with blessings

To count those where would you begin?

His Mercy is the prickly tears in your eyes

When someone’s pain shakes your humanity

His Mercy is the tenderness in your heart

And the love you grant unconditionally

If His Mercy is ever withdrawn

What would life be? 

Would we want to know? 

A Letter to my future teenage kids

If you ever come asking: “Mom, how can I make my friends like me?” my only answer will be: “by never seeking their approval.” We are nice because being nice is an obligation, it’s something we, your parents and teachers, have worked day and night to instill in you. But to go out of your way just to fit in and be a part of a certain group: the cool folks, the elitists, the sports squad, the cheerleaders, the debate club, that’s never going to guarantee an everlasting friendship. Take it from your mother, the only friendships that have stood the test the time are those in which I felt loved, accepted and even celebrated for my individuality. Sure, they thought I was crazy at times, and literally had to pull me out of my shell at others, but we made it through the decades. At our time, nobody really cared whether you had thousands of followers and your social media content went viral. We saw the change each one of us could make, we wished each other well, we cheered each other on, we had each others’ backs, we were sincerely connected by the heart. We never needed an internet connection to maintain a friendship running that deep. Try to make at least one everlasting friendship, kids. Find friends whom you can connect with spiritually and mentally. Don’t melt in a crowd and wonder why you’re constantly feeling anxious, dissatisfied and depressed. Be people connectors, not just people collectors. Someday you’ll understand that rebels don’t spend their time at middle and high school breaking rules and having parties. It takes more to be a rebel. It takes a person who’s not afraid of being called crazy or weird for trying to live by their own terms. That’s a spirit that can’t be tamed.



Night falls, I lay my head to sleep

Then the sedating silence is broken 

As thoughts begin to creep

Guilt calls, saying “It’s been a while

That we haven’t gone over failures,

Or the memories you had as a child”

Sleep’s gone, and so has the peace

If only our thought patterns had a switch

I’d turn off the anxieties

I’d rest my head on that pillow

And dive into a sea of tranquility

And while this body is weary

I can’t meet its simple needs

Because the heart is roaming freely

And the mind’s agenda impedes

Sleep is a necessity

Only when there’s nothing to miss 

When there’s no inspiration to guide you

Through a world of writing bliss

Sometimes I envy the oblivious

Who are not shaken or stirred

Their hearts are void of anguish

Their heads are void of words

That they must unload like baggage

Too heavy to carry around

If only I were just as unaware

If only the world just passed me by

Without a trace, without a sound

5 things that parenting is NOT

Ah, parenting…the most exalted, most exhausting job ever. Bringing a child into this world is perhaps one goal we all seek to achieve at some point in our lives, but once we have this child our whole existence is changed. It’s very normal to feel frustrated, overwhelmed and even shocked at how parenting is nothing like what we had imagined it to be growing up. Who would have thought that dinner time, bath time and bed time would be so nerve-wracking at times? In our imagination we only pictured our little ones to be perfectly-behaved, obedient, sweet angels (not that they are not). Reality hits hard sometimes, doesn’t it? But wait, we’re NOT heading down desperation lane with this post. There’s hope, there’s always hope when it comes to how much we love our children. After all, when we are tired, wired and at our wit’s end, it’s only because we want things to go our way and they’re not. Those expectations of an ideal parent-child relationship are simply standing between us and our kids, keeping us from bonding with them the way we had hoped. 

What are we doing wrong? Why isn’t parenting as rewarding as the media portrays it? Why are some parents more fulfilled than others, you may think? Because we often conceive parenting as a set of rules and theories that apply to ALL children. We’ve been socially trained to follow the footsteps of our predecessors in raising our young disregarding the ever-changing environment we expose them to. As a mother of both a boy and a girl living in a modern city, under normal circumstances, I can’t help but observe those fast-paced changes and worry about my children’s future. Will I be able to raise healthy, kind, loving, well-rounded individuals? Just thinking about this grave responsibility makes me hyperventilate! But I know one thing I had to learn the hard way. Parenting doesn’t come with a manual, it comes with a child, a unique child whom you’ll learn to understand as much as you’ve already loved. It takes time. And you’ll get there. In this post I’d like to share what I’ve learned so far in my 8-year-long motherhood journey. I’ve summarized all the irksome, worrisome, troublesome parts of my parenting experience, which you may pretty much relate to. So here are 5 things which are NOT parenting. 

1. Parenting is not a race or a competition: I know, it’s tempting to compare notes with other parents, gather experiences and share advice but once you feel that you’re really failing at this thing called parenting because you’re not doing what other parents are doing, you need to stop. We’re not competing. We’re in this together. And if you ever feel that you can’t handle any more braggers, just keep your distance, there’s no guilt or shame in choosing what’s best for your kids, AND your well-being. 

2. Parenting is a means not a goal: you know that cheesy proverb that says “happiness is not a destination, it’s a way of life.” Well that also applies to parenting. Instead of worrying about accomplishing milestones and checking off lists, just enjoy every moment you get to spend with your kids. Your presence and role-modeling is enough of an accomplishment. So if you don’t get them to stick to a routine within a week, that’s really OK. Be consistent, yet flexible. Firm yet understanding. The last thing your kids want is to feel their home is more of a military camp than a cozy atmosphere to learn, grow, and just be themselves. 

3. Parenting is not self-sacrifice: We’re always told that fully-dedicated moms are the best moms. Can you imagine how depressing this statement may be for working moms? Why is motherhood always portrayed in such an overly idealistic light? Please stop feeling constantly guilty for excluding your kids in some activities you pursue on your own or with your spouse. It’s perfectly acceptable to want some time for yourself to recharge. Your kids will thank you the most for being a happy, well-adjusted, and outrageously creative parent.  

4. Parenting challenges don’t get easier with time: you know what we parents don’t need along the way? Illusions. But negating the statement that things won’t be getting easier is not…”negative” (does that make sense?)  Actually, it’s not the parenting challenges that will get better, but you’ll be a more equipped parent to handle those ever-increasing challenges. Yes, sadly every phase of parenting has its glitches, but trust me, you’ll nail them. There will be tough days, tear-jerking incidents, and lots and lots of self-doubt along the way, but you’ll be ok. Really! Negativity, busted! 

5. Parenting is not all what you are: when they placed that bundle of cuteness in your arms, you instantly realized that nothing in your life will ever go back to the way it was before. But this doesn’t mean you’ll have to adopt a new personality as a protective, superheroic parent. Regardless of whether the kiddos believe mommy and daddy have superpowers or not, mommy and daddy are (Your name) and (Spouse’s name) first and foremost. Your interests, needs, likes and dislikes should never be affected by your responsibility as parents. In reference to point 3, keep those parts of you alive – for sanity’s sake at least. Avoid falling into the trap of begrudging the single life. 

So whether you think you’re doing this parenting thing all wrong and can’t help but feel lonely and isolated at times, you’re actually never alone in this. Loving someone who is totally dependent on you in their first few years can be quite scary. But have faith in this love and your strength as a caregiver, mentor and protector of this child. You were made for this, and this child is exactly the way he or she is supposed to be. If you can remember to parent the child you have, not the child you always wanted, you’ll succeed in every level of this parenting game, with a little help from them, believe it or not 🙂 

Happy parenting! 

~ Zeina