How to write a suicide letter

Have you got your pen and paper ready? Your take-your-own-life device? Wait, you haven’t planned how you were going to do it yet? Ok, never mind. Let’s just write the letter. 

Dear —- (that’s gonna be the first loved one to find out you why you did such an major act, so they’ve got to be special)

Explain your terrible state prior to the act. Use words such as tired, fed up, exhausted, worn out, beat up. Don’t be afraid to use exaggerations and hyperboles, afterall you need to make it seem logical. They won’t believe you had been in such a terrible state all along or that you’d actually do it but you have to convince them. 

Now start reminding that person of all the amazing things they had done for you and how utterly ungrateful you are for turning your back on them. Tell them you have reached a point where your reasoning has failed you; where you were so depressed and lonely that nothing and no one even mattered. Not your parents, nor your siblings nor your spouse and children, if any. All you could think of was a way out. Even if that way defied your own destiny. You couldn’t fight anymore. You didn’t want to hold on to any more hopes. Nothing and no one gave you hope. You had eyes that could see but you didn’t want to look out for the light. You had hands that could hold but you didn’t want to reach out for help. You wanted to stay where you are. You chose desperation. Yes, you chose it. Desperation didn’t choose you. You decided to curl into fetal position and cry. You shut the world out. You turned your back on life. All you could see where the thorns on the rose, the greyish skies where rainbows hide.   You may tell them you’re a failure,  not for the many times you failed, but actually for failing to find the will to try within you. 

And just before you think I’m judging you for your suicidal thoughts, I just want you to know that I, too, have had them. We all have them. Yes, we’ve all been so low that we could no longer bear life’s afflictions. Everybody is prone to depression, anxiety, mental illness. You’re not a weirdo and you’re certainly not alone in this. The only difference between someone who acts upon these thoughts and someone who refrains from cutting their own rope is how hopeful they remain. The despaired aren’t weak. You aren’t weak for seeking help. You aren’t weak if you cry. You aren’t weak if you’re burnt out, broke, jobless, divorced, betrayed. You are stronger and more free when you understand the wisdom behind your affliction. 

I don’t know what would make you want to read a “how to write a suicide letter”. I don’t know why I’m putting myself in this position where I might be misunderstood. But I’m writing this for somebody, anybody who needs to read this, to know they’re so loved and cherished. You need to know you are an indispensible person in someone’s life. You mean the world to somebody and it’s not up to you to decide to leave them. No. Your time has not come and don’t ever think that by taking the nearest exit you’ll rid yourself of heartache. Don’t ever think that by writing a suicide letter you’d justify yourself to your loved ones. 

Don’t think that by escaping your brokeness you wouldn’t break someone else’s life. 
*To someone I love, someone I don’t even know, hang in there

Advertisements

No day is ever guaranteed

Good morning, Sunday!

I’m filled with gratitude to be alive on this beautiful yet rainy day. The rain instills a sense of comfort within my soul, somehow. It’s the fact that I’m living on this very day that I’d like to talk about. The fact that no day is ever guaranteed to us humankind, and yet we take each and every one for granted. Every breath, every ray of light that hits our retina as we sleepily open our eyes and snap out of our drowsy  daze. They are not ours for the taking, yet generously given away by the Creator of life; To test us, perhaps, to examine our gratitude further with daily pressures and mishaps; to remind us that, despite the illusion of control we feed with organizers, checklists and strict schedules, things can and will go off track, not necessarily to our disadvantage. It is our attitude that shouldn’t change with every endlessly changing day. The faith to accept the unseen. The gratitude to embrace each moment, painstricken or painsfree, and take the day with a smiling heart. 

Today is Sunday, make it worthwhile; spend it wisely, playfully, freely, generously, spend it with family, kids, friends, colleagues. Don’t let any gloomy weather discourage you from spotting colorful rainbows. 
Have a great day, everyone

~ Zeina

M.O.T.H.E.R.

MOTHER

M is for every “Moment” you cherished for me

O is for every “Obligation” you fulfilled with glee

T is for the “Time” you spent ensuring I’m happy

H is for the “Home” you built on love and mercy

E is for all the “Efforts” I can’t thank you for enough

R is for the “Responsibility” you have taken with love

MOTHER you’re a gift sent from Heaven Above

What is Regret?

Regret … is the words 

You can’t take back after they’re said

Regret … is the aftermath

Of a rush of blood to the head

Regret … is all the chances

You didn’t dare to take

Regret … is all the decisions

You were too afraid to make

Regret … is the price you pay

For all your thoughtless mistakes

Regret … is how I feel

Everytime I hear your name

Regret …. is my consciousness regained

And facing your truth again

Regret …so intense it feels like a heartattack

Regret …. is all the tears

That won’t bring my love back

The One Way To Be A Good Parent

The sound of silence. Ahhh, how I relish it! I love that time of night when I can sit down and think about what happened during the day, evaluate each incident, each accomplishment, each tick made on the To-Do List. Hurray….Me time! And then it strikes me, the guilt…that agonizing feeling deep in my stomach when I know something didn’t really turn out right. I tell myself over and over again that I definitely need to muffle the voice inside me that reminds me, mockingly “oh, look…you failed to do that, AGAIN.” As mothers, we’re constantly bombarded with pictures of perfectionism on social media. You will read blog posts spreading like wildfire on parenting pages “100 DIY Crafts for Toddlers and Little Kids” “70 Activities to Keep Your Kids Busy This Summer” “How I disciplined my child in 3 days straight” “Foolproof ways to potty-train your toddler in a day” Ummm…seriously? A day? My son is six years old and I still get nightmares about his potty-training days…make that months! Parenting is far more tedious than what we perceive in advertisements showing perfectly-polished faces of parents gleefully playing with their children.
Not that it is wrong or unacceptable to display such positive moments of parent-child bonding, but to show only the bright side would surely devastate parents who are struggling to have quality time with their kids amidst their busy schedules. I am a stay-at-home mom and I barely have time to sit with – really sit and not just tend to the needs of – my children, I can only imagine how hard it feels for a working mom who only has a few hours on weekdays and a weekend to make up for all the lost time.
Perhaps we should give ourselves credit for simply trying to be the best that we could, simply creating the time instead of just finding it. That guilt which burdens most moms I know, including myself, should really stop. Why does motherhood have to come with such a dearly price? And why should we even compare ourselves to some lady playing peek-a-boo with her baby on a billboard? You won’t see a diaper ad featuring a mom changing bedsheets with a look of dismay on her face, or a baby food ad starring a picky toddler throwing his broccoli and pasta dinner plate on a recently-mopped floor. Well, these things do happen A LOT – on a daily basis. This is the gist of every mom’s life. Those mishaps, messes, dirt, stains, drools, tantrums, head bumps, whining. They are to be cherished as much as every quiet peaceful smiley-giggly moment. I can’t help but remember here the quote that says, “there’s no way to be a perfect parent, but a thousand ways to be a good one” There’s no way we are ever going to be perfect parents, and there’s no way we’re going to raise our kids perfectly, we just need to raise them well enough to rise up the challenges of life. There’s no way we can guarantee they’ll be truly accepted, loved and well-treated by their peers, teachers and other caregivers, but we can at least assure them they’re loved by us and assure ourselves we’re doing a good job at that.
I appreciate every successful parent’s effort to educate others, whether by blogging or writing, about all the great things parents can do with and for their children. The mention of the fake titles above was simply to draw attention to some unrealistic expectations we place on ourselves and our kids that turn out to be more harmful than useful. Believe me, I know exactly what those expectations feel like, I’ve tormented myself with such high expectations of myself which, not surprisingly, negatively affected my son. I know for a fact that he can’t stand crafts, can’t sit still for 10 minutes without fidgeting, hates coloring and will not learn any lessons from sitting in time-outs. I know my child. I know my child better than anyone else. So do you. Know what to expect of them and what not. Parenting is hard enough already. I remind myself and you, as a parent, that some moments are not worth sweating upon, not worth the stress that high expectations impose. They’ll grow up someday and we will all realize that such moments could have been easily avoided and replaced with more joyful ones. I truly hope so, anyway.
If there’s one thing we should expect of our children it would be that they reciprocate, as adults, all the love we have offered them as children. But even that is only in God’s hands and I’m pretty much certain that no amount of love invested in good upbringing will go unrewarded.