5 Things I Miss About Our Pre-motherhood Friendship

Before I start this list and get bashed for being an ungrateful mom, I’d like to make it clear that having children was the greatest blessing of my life. As we all know, parenthood turns your world upside down. It totally transforms you as a human being, some days elevating you, others breaking you down. Parenthood is both honorable and humbling, purposeful and perplexing, practical yet magical. I am a blessed mom. That said, I can’t help but complain about my relationship with people as a mother which is now much more different.
My friendships have tremendously evolved since I earned my first-time-mom title, some flourishing, others falling apart. A few days ago, a friend reached out to me asking whether it was justifiable to feel like you’re going through a form of midlife crisis in your early thirties knowing that you haven’t made many accomplishments in your career life. Of course, I could perfectly understand where she was coming from. Any stay-at-home mom would understand the dilemma of wanting to be there for your kids at all times and having a successful career as well. I reassured my troubled friend with these very simple words “our kids are our accomplishments” and urged her to dedicate some free time just for herself. What a typical advice we moms give one another, eh? Sounds very helpful but motherhood and extra time don’t go together, obviously! Hypothetically speaking, if we moms did have that time on our hands, we’d be too busy looking for things to do in that spare time than actually doing them. So I’m really sorry, my friend, if there was nothing I could to help but give a clichéd consolation.
My inadequacy as a friend has inspired me to write this somewhat concise list of all those things I miss about our friendship that no longer seem possible.
1- Talking for hours on the phone: yes, you knew this would be first on my list. I hate that we get interrupted by kids screaming their heads off, or being forced to hang up to stop a toddler from sticking a pencil into an electric socket. Then we have to call each other after a few minutes…or days…or even months. But somehow we always manage to pick up our conversation from that moment. Strange!
2- Remembering the good ole’ times: when was the last time we talked about the times we were young and crazy? We were crazy, admit it. Yes, I know we are moms now, but we had a LIFE before kids! Can we please talk about how great it was? Just to remind ourselves that we had far wilder dreams than having a baby who sleeps through the night or kids who play quietly for hours in their rooms?!
3- Going shopping together: oh I miss those Friday evenings we used to go shopping (or just window shopping) after work. I wish we could do that some time, pick outfits for each other that reflect our impeccable taste rather than cleverly hide our mommy tummies! It would be great if we could skip children clothes stores on this much desired shopping spree for a change. Worth a shot!
4- Talking about our aspirations: It is not selfish to have dreams of our own. It is ok to have a goal that does not include our spouses and children. I think of my family as an inspiration, because they inspire many of my writings and upcoming projects. Maybe if we encourage one another to follow a long-lost dream, we can find purpose in what we do, especially in those days when things get out of control.
5- Not feeling jealous of our single friends’ freedom: though jealousy may be an overstatement, but truth be said, we have felt a bit green with envy when our single friends say they had a girls’ night out at some popular restaurant. Not that we can’t do a mommy’s night out some time, but I think we haven’t done that yet because arranging for babysitters or leaving the kids at their grandparents’ for the night isn’t always a convenience to some of us. Besides, what else would we talk about but the kids? Which brings us to number 6…
6- Having exciting conversations about non-kid-related topics: Pretty self-explanatory, I guess. It’s very tempting to discuss our kids’ likes and dislikes. It’s hard not to talk about the way they drive us insane each day. I know, I know. But let’s just try to talk about our own likes and dislikes every once in a while, just like back in the days.
As a conclusion to this rather short list, I must confess that having post-motherhood friendships, whether old or new, is an enriching and powerful experience. Not only do I have a friend to confide in, but a new member on my motherhood alliance, so to speak. We all know how closely moms can get together in the face of threats, don’t we? Though I miss a friend’s spontaneous spirit, I definitely admire her courageous, mature and nurturing side. That is only the start of a perfect life-long friendship.

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Author: Zeina

I'm a Lebanese translation and editing professional. Juggling parenthood and a home-based freelance career is no easy task, especially for a (hopefully recovering) perfectionist. I'm also an introvert, so yes this explains the tagline "I write better than I speak" :) Hope you enjoy your stay here!

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